


No choice

by aya_dreamer



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Demons, Depression, Gen, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, The Earp Heir, Wynonna Earp Season 4, poor wynonna, wynonna earp - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26550745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aya_dreamer/pseuds/aya_dreamer
Summary: "Everything that ever happened to Wynonna is because she is an Earp. She had to protect the ones who matter to her the most, her family for as long as she can remember. She came to the rescue, every time, she had no choice. She had to save everyone."
Kudos: 7





	No choice

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one-shot about the thoughts that Wynonna has inside her head almost every day.
> 
> mentions of suicidal thoughts.  
> Wynonna's thoughts are in italic writing.

**_'Without them, without the gun, I'm nothing'_ **

Wynonna always seems to everyone as the strongest one, she is The Earp. She always had the biggest responsibility to protect everyone around her, and no one seemed to actually give a damn about how she is doing.

It hurts, the only purpose Wynonna knows that she has in life is being the Earp heir, now that the curse is gone, something changed. Wynonna doesn't know who she is anymore.

 _'I'm nothing'_ Wynonna says as she is laying on her bed, tears streaming down her face, feeling worthless, she doesn't know how to contain all the feelings the past left for her. There are scars inside of her that will never heal.

**_'just one more shot of whiskey to drown the pain'_ **

How long can she keep drowning this pain with alcohol? How many more sleepless nights can she take? All these nightmares about all the killing she had done over the years, again and again, every single day, they leave Wynonna awake for days. Nobody knows, she always acted as if she is okay, as if what she did doesn't affect her, but it does.

**_'I wish I wasn't an Earp'_ **

Everything that ever happened to Wynonna is because she is an Earp. She had to protect the ones who matter to her the most, her family for as long as she can remember. She came to the rescue, every time, she had no choice. She had to save everyone.

But what about Wynonna, Who is going to save her? Who is going to save her when she can't sleep because of all the thoughts inside her mind?

**_'All I ever wanted to do is do good for others, but I couldn't save the most important people'_ **

Wynonna knows no one experienced lose the way that she did, she lost the people most close to her, in the most unfortunate ways and as hard as she tried to save them, she couldn't. Not them.

She had a dad, she was responsible for his death, she lost him.  
She got her sister back, she lost her  
She got mother back, she lost her.  
She had real love, she lost it.  
She birthed a child to this world, that the only way to save her, was to lose her to someone else.

All she ever wanted was to be normal and not have to live through pain daily. However, she never had an option, who is she going to be now? Once the curse is broken what else can she do with her life?

**_'I can't do this. I can't just live as if everything is fine anymore. All this pain I've been through is getting too much'_ **

She had been in pain, physically and emotionally ever since she was born, it feels to her as if the only reason she was brought to this world is just for others.

Some days Wynonna wished she didn't exist, just so she will not have to deal with being an Earp.  
One day she can drink too much and it will end the pain, yet she didn't have a choice about this either, every time she could do something to numb her pain forever, something had to happen. Something always got in her way

**_'As the Earp Heir  
I killed thousands of demons  
but I can't kill the demons  
inside my mind'_ **

She thinks about it often, how she killed demons, however, she couldn't face the demons inside her mind. She loves laughing at her pain, that's one of her ways to deal with the pain, _'I love how I killed literal demons but I can't kill the ones inside my mind. Talk about shit luck.'_  
Wynonna wants to be able to kill the demons inside the same way she kills the ones outside.

**_'oh how I wish I could turn my feelings on and off like a robot'_ **

Wynonna knows that outside it seems as if her feelings aren't always visible, she seems strong to most of the people that see her. Yet she can't turn off her feelings when she wants to, at the most convenient time.

She does the only thing that she knows how to do the best, she puts her thoughts to sleep, she closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep, hoping for no nightmares this time. The thought of waking up tomorrow makes her mad. She wishes she didn't wake up, but she has too many people to take care of, of course, she will always come last.


End file.
